Reluctance

This post has nothing to do with reluctance. I couldn't think of a good title so, the first word that popped out of my head was reluctance! Whoo! Since four years ago, I seemed to forget dates or anything that dealt with number of people I love. My brother's age, the day my grandfather passed away, my friends birthday. Today, is the anniversary of my grandpa's death. I didn't get to say goodbye. No one in my family did. He was taking his early morning stroll. Someone found him on teh groud. The doctors did all they could. I woke up to the sound of my grandma crying. Thinking it was just the TV. Woke up before I heard the crying wondering why I didn't hear the news on since my grandpa always watches it when he comes back. I was so happy less noise to bother me. And from that day on, it got me to start sleeping in more. I've changed. Since then. I really do miss him. A couple of days before was my graduation (from 7th grade) I had received numerous awards. I showed it to him and he was so proud of me! The day before he died, him and my brother was arguing. I'm just so sad I didn't get to say goodbye to him and tell him how much I loved him. The only thing my friends knew and still know is that he died. I couldn't talk about how he died or how much I missed him. Whenever I start thinking about him I start crying no matter where I am. I really do miss hearing him turn off the alarm and hearing the microwave go off. Hearing him turn on the lights in the living room to put on his shoes. His smile. I miss him so much. He has lived with me since I was born. He was like my second father since my parents were always at work; he took care of me, my siblings, and his wife. Watched over the house. Catched and killed all the snakes and spiders for us. He was our guardian. I just wished he was still here to watch me graduate. Hear him brag about me to his friends over the phone. Hear his loud, booming voice. I wished he saw me in my dresses to prom and telling me how pretty I looked. But I know he's seeing everything even though he's here. Whenever we visit his grave - the wind blows. We feel his presence. He is still proud of me.